Debunking the Myths about Vulnerability

I was having conversation with a good friend of mine. While I was trying to understand him on a deeper level, I asked him “are you a strong personality?” he replied counter asking “Physically or Mentally”? I was more keen to know about his mental strength. So he said “he is extremely emotional” but does that qualify to be a strong personality? being emotional ?

Well !! We’re all wired for love, touch, connection and intimacy. But when our conditioning tells us it isn’t safe to be in our emotions, we form an “adaptive self” and stray from our “authentic self” in order to survive.

We were always told “anger is not acceptable”, and as a result we either turn it inward on ourselves, shut down, or become explosive. We were told “don’t cry, crying means weakness”, and we learned to hide our sensitivity or mute our emotions. Our coping mechanisms formed in early childhood become barriers to intimacy as adults.

Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past decade studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame. In her book “Daring Greatly” she has written :

“Vulnerability isn’t good or bad. It’s not what we call a dark emotion, nor is it always a light, positive experience. Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. To feel is to be vulnerable. To believe vulnerability is weakness is to believe that feeling is weakness. To foreclose on our emotional life out of a fear that the costs will be too high is to walk away from the very thing that gives purpose and meaning to living.

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Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

During my Inner Reengineering course with Sadhguru, the mystic himself, he said “For a devotee, vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness” he further added “If you are not willing to be vulnerable, you are not willing to transform. Whatever does not transform, whatever does not change, is as good as dead” & that was my favourite part in the entire course.

Our emotions are nothing to apologize for. You don’t have to say “sorry” for crying, or “be more positive” to make up for sharing something that’s heavy on your heart.

Your vulnerability is a gift. It’s ok to feel what you’re feeling.

Relationships in all form are our teachers. What we admire or reject in others is very often pointing to a quality within ourselves that we have denied or repressed. If we had an emotion consistently invalidated as a child, we will likely struggle to hold space for that emotion in another until we are able to reclaim it in ourselves. All of your emotions are worthy of having a seat at the table.

Your anger.
Your sadness.
Your fear.
Your love.
Your joy.
Your pleasure.

It’s safe to come home now.

Cheers to life !!